There are many things that the people who pro-create us teach us about the world; with an imprint, invisible to the undiscerning eye and a voice that eventually becomes either our inner critic or our role model. Character DNA. In many households, the parent who spends the most time with the children is usually the mother (at least at a younger age), therefore she inevitably becomes the first person who forms our thoughts about the world, and against whom our ideas of who we are, are bounced against. I have heard that we should separate who we are as women from our role as mothers- apparently we do not forever remain the axis upon which our children rotate – “Just wait until he gets to Kindergarten!” … Really? I also know that some of the deepest cuts and the deepest joys come from the people we love the most, (otherwise they would not be so deep) and so there is no perfection in this role.

These are some of the things I learned from my mother while growing up;

1. The language of my ancestors.

2. That we should have learned how to cook, how to make obusheera bwo mugusha just by watching her do it.

3. That hand skills are learned by doing and not by a set of instructions. You learn how to knit by knitting. You learn how to sew by sewing. Except if you are a Rumusho, then she does not know what to do for you.

4. How to plait hair.

5. Code words for random things from the names of several people in her home village. Like Marisiyari. And Kyarimpa.

6. That you cannot iron the dress you are wearing while wearing it.

7. That you measure the amount of salt to put in your food by sight and through your fingers.

8. That if you want to speak like a white person, you should speak through your nose.

9. About Ms. Cutler and Ms. Warren and country dancing.

10. That you should always be smart. And that there are no home clothes and going out clothes.

11. That if you invite a ghost to eat in your dream, it will never come back to haunt you. Or you could turn your blanket top side down.

12. That you should never respond to the sound of your name being called if you cannot see who is calling you.

13. That a girl should not whistle because she will grow beards.

14. That dark skin is beautiful and a dark gum is extra special.

15. That tough voluminous hair is the best for a relaxer.

16. That an undefined group of people called Bashekyi are always waiting around the corner to laugh at you when things do not work out.

17. That women can drive- aggressively, and for long distances including to Kabale and back and in steep crevices like the Rukiri.

18. That you should not tell people your ‘business’.

19. That all men want sons.

20. Songs in our mother tongue. Like Ka Kikuru n’okorakyi. Like Chi Chi Chi.

21. That only a foolish bride would dance, laugh or smile on her wedding day.

22. That clean girls have big white panties.

23. Stories about walking many kilometres to school, being caned for wearing shoes and singing Shaha mukaaga zituuse (a failed attempt at Luganda).

24. That you must not wear flat shoes to a party.

25. That you must not wear a sweater while entering a party. You can wear it later.

26. About my father’s lineage and his family.

27. That a caesarian is terrible way to give birth.

28. That her father called her All children are equal even though she was his third girl.

29. That respectable women would not dance in public and if they did, they should just humbly and slightly shake their shoulders.

30. That you should not laugh like a fool. And if you do, you might get beaten.

31. How to carry a baby on my back.

32. That if you looked at her a certain way after she had beaten you, you could earn a second beating.

33. The word ‘friend’ means ‘boyfriend’. And that boyfriend is a bad word.

34. What Ka-kyinku did.

35. What Bushuyu did.

36. About British.