The problem with natural hair

The problem with African hair, most of it, is that it is frizzy and tightly coiled . I used to refer to mine as steel wire. When you wake up in the morning, it stands straight up in the middle and is matted on both sides, making you look like a baby Sumo wrestler. The thing with natural hair is you must plait it every night before you sleep. You just cannot fall into bed effortlessly, you must always pay it attention.

On that note, I would say it is a big time consumer. Our primary schools used to call it a time waster. If we did not shave it all off, we would have wasted a lot of time getting stupid. That is why only Arabs, Indians and ‘Half-castes’ [this is the word that was used for mixed race people those days] were allowed to grow their hair, because their hair would not make them stupid.

Natural hair is an attention seeker. Whenever you let it out, there will always be someone sniffing at the back of your neck, wishing they were invisible, stretching and pulling back their eager, anxious hand, wondering if you would be offended if they could feel the texture of it, just a little. It looks like wool. Is it wool? Does it deflate when you tap it down? Is it real? All the way down to the bottom? Do you even have a scalp within that tangled mess?

The problem with African hair, most of it, is that it likes to puff up instead of fall backwards. The new generation is lucky. These days, unlike when our mothers combed our hair, the comb does not have to sweep through, from front to back. And it does not have to be a narrow tooth comb, leaving salt water droplets pricking the corners of your eyes, your scalp throbbing.

The thing about natural hair is, it likes to recoil back into tight knots. It is not interested in length checks and stiff straightness. It loves to fluff up at the top if you sleek it on the sides. It loves to fill your head like the dark night of a dense forest where nothing can get it and nothing can get out. On Monday it was long and on Tuesday, a drop of water shrunk it. “Wait, did you cut it?”

Natural hair is a mystery. Years and years of taming it and hiding it and we still do not know what it is. It is stubborn and likes to show off. Even after years of begging it to flow and be pushed around by the wind, it still grows out curly. Then you have to burn your scalp again.

It is not even wedding material. Imagine, a bride, walking down a flower strewn aisle with tight curls on her head! What kind of bride is that, who does not love herself enough to put on at least a weave or maybe even a wig. Imagine her, dancing to her entrance song, a tiara on her head and no ponytail at the back. Where would the tiara even sit?

The problem with African hair, most of it, is that it is expensive to take care of. You need a sulphate-free shampoo so that you don’t punch the moisture out of it. It will be very hard to find this. L’oreal wasn’t made with you in mind. After that you need a conditioner, leave-in conditioner, hair butter, hair oil, and a gel to make your baby hair pop. You need to let people know that it is not all frizzy. Some of it actually sleeps.

The other thing about natural hair- it is so day to day mundane! You can do this all at home without ever stepping into a salon. You could have sat three hours in a dryer but here you are detangling. Where’s the drama and the triumphant exit as you walk out of the salon choking on ORS Olive oil spray?

When you really think about, the biggest problem with natural hair is, it is not straight. It is too African, too common place. Now, if we had Brazilian hair! We could literally whip it back and forth. No more satin headscarves, wake up flawless, you might not even need a face full of makeup to distract from your hair anymore. The problem with natural hair, is, it is not like white people’s hair.